I'm not mad, I tell you! I'm not! It just soothes my nerves. A little reefer never hurt anyone, right? Right?!

Don't listen to that cretin who comes to town to explain the dangers of "marihuana." That lecturer (Alan Cumming) is the true enemy. He feeds fear into your hearts and minds (Bushism?)! He is the one fertilizing your prejudices. That film he shows you? All lies! One hit of the "deadly reefer" does not drive you toward insanity. It doesn't, I tell you!

Jimmy Harper (Christian Campbell) is alive and well, I say! He lives in Humboldt County, California (or was it Berkeley), caring for his wife, Mary Lane (Kirsten Bell, HEROES) and their thirteen children. Their lives DO NOT (do you hear me!) mimic Romeo and Juliet's in any way! Fatalistic nihilism my butt!

Jack Stone (Steven Weber) is a nice businessman. He sells pots and seeds (okay, so some of them look a bit suspicious but come on!) And when Mae Coleman (Ana Gasteyer) yells at him, well, she deserves what she gets!

And invoking a song by Jesus! Oh, puhlllease! Is this really necessary? I touched "marihuana" once (well, maybe ten times ...this week) but that doesn't mean I need divine intervention from a Tom Jones-ish Christ figure who belts out Vegas-style songs from the cross, does it? I think not.

And what about Ralph (John Kassir)? That poor, misunderstood cannibal. If you leave him alone without food of course he's going to revert back to his man-eating methods. Can we really judge him so plainly? This show is a sham, I tell you! A sham! And I won't stand for it! That lecturer is the true drug. He's the addiction. Believe him not!

(This review in no way condones the use of ignorance by the makers of the original Reefer Madness — 1937 — nor is its intent to sway those with a penchant for drugs, sex, and more drugs away from their chosen recreation).